#FirstPerson: “To Look or Not Look 'Married'? That's The Question”

Have you ever sat back and wondered? Bindi, Sindoor, Mangalsutra, Toe Rings (Sometimes, on three toes in each foot!), Payal, bangles on each hand... and of course, the ring on the ring finger... there's so much from top to bottom that makes a woman appear like a new bride in India... just in case you don't miss it! But what about the man? Barring the ring, which is optional for him to wear, since it's jewellery, there's nothing much that indicates that a man is married too! When a man chooses not to wear his wedding ring on the finger, it is considered a matter of convenience. But when a woman chooses not to stick to the norm, a lot of people imply it to mean that she wants to look unmarried. Right from your mother-in- law to any random aunty, people think it's just not OK to choose against decorating yourself with things that scream "married"! The worst part is, most of these people checking you for it are going to be women themselves! I choose not to wear anything extra  barring my engagement ring, which is probably the easiest thing to wear out of the list above, but sometimes I forget to wear that as well. It's not entirely a rebel thing, it's a matter of convenience, but yes, I do feel strongly about the compulsion to wear these things in our society. I understand that these rituals have been handed down as a part of our culture and tradition, but that doesn't make it reason enough to force it on someone.

Thankfully, my immediate family understands, so does my husband's. The fact that we stay in a separate city by ourselves also helps. But time and again, I do have to engage in that occasional debate with my conservative Bua or other elders. Roaming around with khali haath which means no bangles or Choora (OMG) and God forbid if you forgot to wear your Mangalsutra too! A long one for special occasions and a short one for casual wear, but that means, only one thing - you cannot be caught without one! Some of you might like wearing it, and I have nothing against you, but this is just not my thing. I find it hard to tolerate anything around my neck, with all the sweat and hair getting stuck on it and all, so that's my reason. I'd prefer to make sure my husband is eating healthy rather than ensuring his wellness by adorning myself with a piece of jewellery or keeping a fast for him. This choice also, in no way means that my marriage is unhappy. But while some see it as being too modern, others find it downright disrespectful!

The thing is, most women work hard to make their marriages work, whether or not not they choose to wear stuff that symbolizes it. But with every judgmental nag about these so-called marital traditions, that entire intention is being questioned. Not decking up from head to toe in "marriage symbols" does not mean that someone is not serious about being married or being disrespectful, it's mostly just a matter of convenience! It's high time people in India understand that! Yes, things are changing, but very very slowly. Choosing to wear or not to wear anything that symbolises that you're married should be a personal choice, and not something that's forced upon you. Wear it or don't wear it for your own happiness, not for anyone else's.

• By Sakshi Saxena (Long-standing freelance writer with WedMeGood)