One Real Brides Struggle In Learning To Love Herself...
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Ever since the date of the wedding was finalized, I had drowned myself into a pool of thoughts. “What’s gonna happen? Will I find the perfect dress? Will my skin be normal? What about those extra kilos I have gained? That belly fat peeking out from that gorgeous Lehenga I want to wear? What if my makeup is a disaster? And those love handles? Why do we even call them that? Ahh…”help me.
I knew that as I walked down the aisle, there will be million of eyes staring at me , judging my choices - on all those things that really didn't matter to me in the end. I wanted to bring a change, to get rid of all the society taboos a bride usually goes through on her big day. “The perfect mannequin figure, the perfect hair, perfectly glowing fair skin and so on.” The list never ends!
But it was hard. I was usually a confident girl who lived life on her own terms and didn't care much for society. As I stepped into my big day though, I felt like I had lost the love I had for myself. I didn’t have the same confidence I had gained in all those years , I forgot how to embrace my beauty and to celebrate the moment. I wasn’t the same girl anymore! And I tried to look perfect - to look like a girl in a brochure and I was failing.
Just like a normal girl, I wanted to hear that I looked pretty. That I looked lovely in the wedding dress I picked. I kept staring at the mirror, waiting for someone’s approval. There were so many random thoughts - I was disgusted about the extra weight I had around her waist, those love handles that will be seen through the deep cut blouse I loved, the tiredness in my eyes from trying to manage everything around me.
And then it struck me that I had stopped seeing myself as a confident, successful young woman. I was trying to match the stereotype of a certain "type" of bride. Every bride has her imperfections, her flaws and that’s what makes every bride unique and special in her own self. Sometimes the people around you forget to embrace your real authentic beauty and who you really are, but if they could, then that is the best gift they can give her for her new life!
So I skipped the pre-bridal pampering and the fittings to manage my own wedding. I was planning my wedding from afar and I took to the tasks, got the most important things in place and helped out wherever I could. I got over the fact that someone might point fingers at my pale dull skin, or the little dark spots on my face, or the ill-fitted dress that I received two days before the wedding (Struggles of NRI Brides) . I was doing it all on my own, this wedding - from far away so it was important to set my priorities right.
And I also knew that the one thing I wasn’t afraid of was “myself”! The real, authentic, naked and truthful “self”. I am more than just a beautiful face. More than the shallow and biased cultural beliefs of being fair skinned is considered as having everything in life. I knew I was much more than that, I am an unconventional bride.
I was aware that a skin brightening facial or an expensive face treatment is not going to change my character or make me a beautiful soul in a day. The superficial beauty of my face might make me the most beautiful bride for one single day but my inner beauty will surely surpass all these taboos forever.
I knew that as I walked down the aisle, there will be a million eyes staring at her , judging me. For all the things I am not and can never be. But for the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared at all!
End note: Everyone and anyone in this world can have a beautiful face these days. Its a matter of spending thousands of bucks on yourself and getting a makeover but one thing you should know money cannot buy is “YOU”.
Advice for all brides/ brides-to-be: Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle just because they didn’t love you the way you wanted to be loved or tell you what a beautiful bride you make. Love yourself, celebrate and embrace each and every part of your body, take pride in your accomplishments! People around should love you for who you are. Even if you are dark-skinned or you have a few extra kilos. Embrace your real self and let them try too (if they can’t then they need to come out of the stereotype bubble, not you !) Because what matters is what’s inside you.
- Tanvi
My name is Tanvi and I run a blog called Urbanista. I am residing in U.S and recently got married in Nov 2016 in India. Me as a bride had executed and managed the wedding and decor from an entirely different part of the world and contacted all the vendors/designers on my own and sketched every little detail for the decor. It was a budgeted wedding and we both tried to help our parents as much as we can and a small traditional ceremony.